I want Ari to know that his happiness and his values should be the most important things to him I tell the other child that my son is playing with that particular toy and when he is finished with it, then they can have it. I DO tell Ari to respect the fact that someone else is playing with something and he is not allowed to take it until that child is done using it. And I teach Ari that if he is done using something that means that he has to be ok with another child using it.
If your child wants to share something without force or interference with another child, then great, let them. Start living the life you deserve! If you are at all interested in health, life, success, and happiness, this podcast is for you. Jamie Richards and Dr. Kresimir Jug never shy away from an interesting and fun conversation that will leave you, passionately engaged, ready to take action, and always wanting to learn more.
Skip to main content. Sharing is NOT Caring. Posted by Dr. Kresimir Jug. Think By Design. There I was with Ari at Indigo We go there often because: I have a coffee problem and As we approached the train set there is another boy who is already there. At the sight of her son hoarding those trains the boy's mother says: "Lucas share with that boy!
All the while Ari was happily playing with whatever 'other' trains Lucas did not want. Here is my question to you as a parent Is teaching your child to share important? Not to mention, a clear double standard seeing as we, as adults, don't rush to share our shoes, cars, laptops or lipstick with any friend that happens to appear. One way to help kids with the demand that they share their toys is to ask them, pre-playdate, which toys they're not going to want to share today.
Together you can store those toys out of sight so that they have some preemptive control. Ask yourself -- what lesson do I want to teach? When you think about it, the point isn't really whether or not your child gives up the goods.
The lesson you really want to teach here is that being generous and kind makes people feel good, and ultimately makes the world a better place. But when you demand of a child to share -- you are missing out on all that. You are simply forcing the outcome and probably making them defensive and self-pitying along the way.
Ever been the recipient of a begrudged kindness? It feels awful. Giving a child the space and autonomy to choose whether, what and when to share means that when they do it, it will be a true act of giving.
Sometimes the conflict is the point As adults we tend to see things in very black and white terms. That's why we go out and buy two of the same toy - so everyone can have one. Or we force turn-taking with our egg timer on so that each turn is mathematically accurate and fair. Our tactics fall on deaf ears because we're missing the real point. In truth, humans are much messier than that and children are interested in the social connection and exploration -- what happens when I grab this toy?
How can I engage this other child? He has it, it must be interesting! When we call children "terrible sharers," "selfish" or "greedy" we are missing the real motive behind their behavior and we are unfairly and unkindly labeling them. Facilitate problem solving or stay silent. Instead of forcing, my favorite approach is to do nothing. To hold my tongue as I watch the children figure it out. It can be a real lesson in self-restraint.
When we swoop in with our statements such as "If you're fighting over it then no one gets it! We might not like the solutions they come up with -- but my rule is that if they're happy, I'm happy.
There are incredible lessons here: negotiation, compromise, give and take. When adults get too involved, we muddy the waters with our evaluations and judgments -- seeing victims and aggressors where there are only children at play. Manage social expectations! Dealing with pressure from other parents is hands-down the hardest aspect of giving the kids space to figure it out on their own. When we are faced with disapproving glares of other parents sometimes the strongest of us is ready to crumble into bribes and threats I know I am!
What helps in this situation is to see it as an invitation for a theoretical conversation with the other caregiver "I just read that it works well to let the kids figure it out by themselves for a while - would you mind if we tried? Alternatively, you can "sportscast" the situation with the children - describe what you see without judgment -- that way you are "doing something" but you're not interfering or offering solutions.
Get down to their eye level and saying something like: "I can see you really want that toy and Jake has it now. I wonder what we can do? Model sharing whenever possible: I truly believe that the things that drive us craziest with our children are actually crystal clear mirrors of the things we're unhappy with in ourselves. This has resonated for me strongly in Dr.
Shefali Tsabary 's teachings. We simply cannot nor should we try to change our children -- but we can, instead, change ourselves! The bonus here is that when you role model a certain behavior, it's the surest way to promote that behavior in your child.
0コメント