Don't change it unless absolutely necessary, preferably due to circumstances you cannot control. If this happens, call and notify your spouse of the change immediately - don't wait till he or she is worried or angry. Though "checking in" or reporting changes in plans may rub you the wrong way, learn that you must sacrifice some things if you are to be successful as a team — remember that this helps your spouse to keep the trust she or he has in you.
Being accountable to your spouse helps keep you close, and that helps build fidelity and faith. Understand that your spouse is not attempting to put you on a leash. It's simply a matter of honoring your commitment, and of letting your spouse know when to start worrying. If you didn't want to be cared about or be responsible to someone else, you shouldn't have married. Wear your wedding ring at all times. Avoid taking the ring off in most situations, even if your friends tell you to.
Some exceptions are when playing sport, washing the dishes or if it could be damaged or cause you injury on the job. Do remember to put it back on straight away! Leaving your ring on sends a clear signal to everyone else outside of your union. It reminds you that you are "taken" and most people will know better than to trespass. If someone fails to heed the sign of your ring, show it to them close up and be sure they know it means you really are married and that you're not interested in flirting at all.
If presenting your ring and clearly stating you're married and happily so doesn't work, and that person continues to pursue you, stop contact with that person at once, if possible. If it's your brother's wife, you may have a tough time doing that, but limit contact to groups and never be alone with her.
If she manages to isolate you from the rest of the family, extricate yourself quickly - kindly if possible, but rudely if necessary. In any case, be utterly clear. Nourish your intimacy with your spouse. Being intimate through loving gestures, hugs, kisses and sexual relations is a vital part of keeping the two of you bonded. Even daily sweet nothings whispered to one another and praise for the things you love about one another on a regular basis are guaranteed ways to keep the fires burning and the original memories of why you fell for each other truly alive.
Don't stir up trouble where there isn't any. Doing hurtful things to see how your spouse will react is a bad idea. The problem is that testing your spouse's reaction to flirting or paying other people too much attention creates a climate of doubts about your honesty, and introduces anxiety and turbulence. Avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing.
If you meet with someone who tries to come on to you and maybe even who is attractive to you, don't panic. Simply show no interest and say it clearly to that person. Explain that you're very happy in your marriage and have no intention of straying.
Say exactly those words. Then excuse yourself and go someplace where there are other people around. Don't allow yourself to be cornered by that person again.
Don't get yourself into any situation where even a whiff of lust is near. It's natural to find yourself attracted to others, even people other than your spouse.
But don't allow yourself to be alone with anyone like this, and don't go out of your way to see him or her. Don't daydream or email, don't entertain the notion of being with someone else - unless it's someone like Katy Perry or Ryan Reynolds. Someone unattainable is a silly crush still, you shouldn't obsess over a crush like this to the detriment of your marriage. Someone at work, or at a party i. Have an escape plan. For example, consider that if a certain person who attracts you comes near you, that you'll head for the bathroom and then perhaps another group of people - or even head home.
Tell any person who tries to lure you into an entanglement with them that you're not interested, period. Don't give a half-hearted "Gee, I'm really attracted to you, but I'm married" response. This sends a wrong message - it says, "If only my stupid spouse weren't in the way, then you and I could hook up. What matters is that you are married, and your commitment is to your partner or spouse. Put your foot down hard and walk away, leaving no room for doubt or hope. Don't worry about letting him or her down easy.
Ask yourself this question: "Why isn't there someone special in their life? Remember that if they don't mind harming your marriage, they won't be hanging around after the thrill of being with you wears off. Take your spouse with you. If you know you'll be in a situation where you can't avoid a person who keeps coming on to you, take your spouse along. Knowing your partner is watching will keep you in line, and hopefully will deter any questionable acts on the part of the other person.
Leave the situation. It doesn't matter whether it's a job or a circle of friends. If you've tried your best to put the stops on the interest someone has in you - and worse yet, if you have started to return those feelings, you have to leave the situation immediately. If it's work related, either request a transfer or request that the other person be transferred, because it's endangering your marriage.
If it's a circle of friends, stop hanging with the friends where you keep meeting this person. Don't moan and complain - remember, your goal is that 40th wedding anniversary, and beyond.
Being faithful makes others respect you. When you stand your ground and tell off those trying to lure you from the one you are committed to, when you publicly show loyalty to your lover, the public will respect you, people will admire you. Unfaithfulness brings diseases; not just sexual diseases but the rotting of your heart, it darkens and poisons the amazing person you actually are, condoms cannot protect you from the decay of your soul.
There is no benefit in being unfaithful, no fruit, reward or advantage; just pain, regret and destruction. Unfaithfulness feeds on your selfish side and blinds you. Yes, you two may feel close, you may even say you love each other; but even terrorists and thieves have a sense of love and belonging amongst each other, you two are criminals committing a crime.
And you are foolish to allow yourself to be led astray, that person is short term wrecking your lifetime. Eventually the thrill of unfaithfulness will go. When people venture into unfaithfulness, it feels so good, exciting and pleasurable. You plan secret meetings with the one you are cheating with, you enjoy; but soon you will realize it is wrong, the affair will collapse, you will outgrow your stupidity.
You destroyed something so great, you destroyed a once in a lifetime blessing, for something so meaningless. Being faithful to your lover encourages your lover to be faithful to you. I want to marry a man like that one day. What does it mean to be faithful? The truth is—faithfulness is hard work. I want to help you understand and experience the benefits of staying fully engaged and committed to your spouse for the rest of your life. There will be days that you may need to reread these words to strengthen your commitment through a rough spot.
Being divorced went from being like a swear word—a serious stigma—to being an everyday by-word — a common state. Divorced just happens. Vows have changed too. Faithfulness is also an uphill battle because current media trashes marriages too. TV shows, movies and more portray the commonness of hooking up outside the marriage and then the subsequent necessary breaking up of the marriage. The norm is cheating. Marital faithfulness is mocked. Affairs are seen as unavoidable and understandable.
And think—I am trying to help you understand the power of faithfulness in marriage. This is a really challenging world when we live with the prospect and desire for a permanent bond. Like I said, faithfulness is hard work. Let me tell you another story. One time when I was wearing it on a trans-Canada flight, a couple of the flight attendants noticed it as I entered the plane. A discussion obviously had ensued about the shirt for when these stewardesses walked by my row, they were all slowing down to take a good look at it for themselves.
Committed couples interact with each other in distinctly positive ways. But how do we communicate faithfulness? However, before physical infidelity becomes an issue there are two precursors: mental and emotional unfaithfulness. In all three cases, infidelity violates a trust and breaks a bond.
Mental infidelity is the practice of fantasizing about other partners. If we think a little fantasizing is harmless, we should recall that Jesus said doing so is equal to committing adultery in our heart. Emotional infidelity takes things up a notch. Emotional infidelity is the habit of investing emotional and relational energy into someone besides our spouse in order to meet our personal needs. Well-known infidelity researcher Shirley Glass says emotional infidelity is any sharing of the inner self with another person that should be reserved for our spouse.
Emotional infidelity often begins in the workplace where we meet interesting people with similar values and interests. When relational infidelity goes unchecked, sexual infidelity may follow. Casual brushes politely pardoned can lead to full embraces and eventual intercourse unless someone chooses to stop.
Sadly, the four main reasons people cite to justify affairs include:. Men tend to justify infidelity for reason number one new sex , and women tend to justify it for reason number two new love. Ironically, these findings parallel the long list of benefits which committed couples enjoy, such as sexual responsiveness, emotional sharing, and companionship.
Somewhere our commitment has to convert into willpower if we want to be faithful. How do we exercise faithfulness? Here are some tips. Since men tend to be visually stimulated much more than women, we need to guard our eyes. They know sex sells, so they try to hook us with sex at every turn. Are you surfing websites you know are off limits? Are you watching late-night TV or renting movies you would not watch with your son?
When you walk down a sidewalk, where do your eyes go?
0コメント